Ups & Downs

For anyone who doesn't know, we sold our house in September, bought a new house, moved out the first week in November and moved into the new house. A few days before closing was to happen, we were informed that a secondary lien existed on our old house from the people WE bought it from, and now we cannot close until that is resolved. It has been 3+ months now and still no resolution. Several contract extensions, negotiations, and stress headaches later, we are still waiting. Starting today I get to make 2 house payments a month. Woo hoo! Our new house is beautiful and big, but I don't know if it's worth all THIS trouble!!
We had another great family night last night. We watched a Food Network Challenge (addicting) and America's Funniest Home Videos. Artie played basketball with Logan! (I know, I'm passing out, too). I scrapped for about an hour and made a little project with a photo of me and my beloved grandmother. It was a good night - too short like they all are. I dropped my car off this morning for new tires and brakes - just got the call with the bill - $1,100!! Good grief - why did I have to have this BMW again?!?!?
Logan started back to school today after a 2-week holiday break. He was anxious to see some of his friends again. He is so funny - just thinking of his jokes and expressions makes me laugh.
Dad is sleeping a lot the last several days. I hope it's not another step downward. Mom mentioned to me & Kristi today that we may need to consider going to the funeral home to pre-plan some things. I'm glad therapy starts back this week!

Hope ?

We went to church yesterday with Kristi & Pig. Our first time at church in quite a while. We really enjoyed their church and their pastor. Maybe there is some hope left for us after all...
Mom has been sick for several days with the same horrible cold I've had. She was quite down & out this weekend - several days alone with Dad over the holidays and being sick to boot - it has worn her down. We all spent some time with her on Saturday and Sunday, so hopefully that boosted her spirits a little bit. Home Health is now going to be coming once a week to bathe Dad, so that will help Mom as well. It is harder, MUCH harder now, to change his diapers and bathe him because of his leg being contracted. The bed sore on his hip is also getting worse, according to the Home Health nurse. Please keep him and Mom in your prayers.
We had some really great quality family time this weekend, Artie, Logan & I. We played some board games, watched a few movies, and just generally spent time in the same room with each other. It was VERY nice. Made it very hard to drop Logan off this morning and come to work - I didn't want to be separated from my guys. :( But I am very very thankful for the amount of time we spent together.
I am extremely anxious to get this house issue resolved. I am going to call my attorney this morning and get the ball SHOVED in the right direction. It's been over 4 months now and no hint of a resolution yet. Everyone is getting very antsy, including me. I don't like making 2 house payments, either!
I'm going to make this a good day - even though I'd much rather be home than here.

ssiiiiiiiccckkkk......

Well, I'm back at work today, barely. I've been on the couch or in the bed for the past 2 days, what a total waste of days off!! :( Artie did manage to get all of our stuff out of storage, bless his heart. And he did work on my scrapbook room - it's almost done. We did not work on the spare room. I did take MANY naps and tried to watch 2-3 movies with Logan, but slept through most of them. This cold is kicking my butt. I'm glad it's the weekend again!

Days OFF!

I am very excited about having the next 2 days off. Yes, it would be nice if I were off on Friday, too, but I'll take 2 days without complaining! I have goals for the next 2 days. Let's see how I do in meeting them. I want to get all of our items out of storage before Friday. I want to finish my scrapbook room so I can work on some projects. I want to finish setting up the spare bedroom. I want to watch at least one movie and take at least one nap. And I want to get over this nasty surprise cold!
Happy New Year everyone!

Acceptance...

Oh what a sad night for me last night … Logan won his basketball game, the first of the “Holiday Tournament,” 28-7. Our team did great, although we were two players short and the five remaining had to play the whole game. Everyone on the team scored at least once except Logan. Near the end of the game they were trying very hard to get Logan a score, passing him the ball and working it to him so he could shoot. Out of three or four shots, he missed all of them. The whole game it was like he was off in la-la land all by himself, not paying attention, not following the action at all. Artie was very frustrated – but then Artie is not very supportive of Logan playing sports anyway. So that brings me to the sad part. I am going to have to accept, despite my tremendous sorrow, that Logan is not going to be an athlete. (sigh) There, I said it ‘out loud.’ This is a painful reality for me for several reasons. #1 – I wanted better for him than what I had. I never had an opportunity to play team sports because of our singing schedule and because my parents didn’t ‘believe’ in sports. So I definitely wanted Logan to have the opportunity to play whatever he wanted to play. #2 – I wanted him to be athletic, again unlike me, so he would not have to worry about weight issues and would always be active and healthy. #3 – So many of his friends are involved in a sport and it takes away a commonality that he will miss as they all grow older together. #4 – If you go to the Halls schools, you are treated like a nobody if you don’t play sports. This becomes more obvious as you get into middle and high school, where the whole jocks, geeks, brains divisions start to occur. I don’t want Logan to be the fat, pasty-white kid who plays video games and has acne!!! Artie says Logan is not a natural at sports and Logan is not a very motivated player, so Artie says why push him to play anything? Just let him be whatever he is going to be… stop trying to make him into something he’s not. My philosophy was to expose him to sports and maybe he would find something he really loved and stick with it. He does love basketball, but not enough to really get involved in the games and get his head in it. He would much rather watch WWE or play video games or Guitar Hero. Am I so wrong to want more than that for him? Am I a ‘stage parent’ if I push him to play sports even though he is not good at it? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – the difficulties of parenting never stop – the circumstances just change with age.

After Christmas Blues

You know that kind of sad feeling you get after the last gift is opened and the last family meal has been eaten? Well, besides feeling incredibly over-stuffed? That’s how I felt this morning. I certainly did not want to get out of my nice, comfy bed to come to work after being off for five days. I did not want the holidays to end yet. We had to drive away and leave half of our family in South Carolina yesterday so we could come back home – in an over-packed car to a messy house. Tonight Logan has a basketball game at 6:00, which means I’ll rush out of here as soon as I can and drive like a maniac all the way home to do a quick-change and head right back out again. Hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish some unpacking tonight and putting away cool new gifts – like jewelry and perfume and books and clothes and new Jim Shore pieces!!

This is a picture of me and two of my five nieces, Daniela (L) and Deann (Middle). Deann is like a daughter to me and Artie! We love our nieces!!

I kind of wonder if this was Dad’s last Christmas. I am not like Mom, I don’t always say “He’s in the end stages…” or “… he probably won’t be here much longer…” . I’ve been an optimist so far – at least as much as I can be. Therapy helps, and it somehow helps that we’ve been through this before, with Mamaw. It is so hard to see him this way, and I know there will be a relief in knowing that he doesn’t suffer anymore and he’s gone on to heaven with his parents and brother. But I still don’t want to imagine a world without my Dad in it, you know? He still looks at me in answer when I say “Dad,” and he still laughs when I do something silly for him. Part of me will go when he goes…

On a happier note, we had a blast in South Carolina. The kids always play until there are more dirty streaks than clean, until they collapse into exhausted sleep at night, sometimes all in a pile together. We had a great bonfire Saturday night and great snacks, fireworks, and karaoke!! Leave it to Cheryl Arthur … Mumma & Papoo’s neighbor. LOL. That is one hilarious lady! We did make it home yesterday in time to watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch.

All in all this was a really good Christmas. I have seen more of my extended family in the last few weeks than I usually do in years, I’ve had a lot of great food, big laughs, and great gifts. And I’ve almost made it through the first day back at work, so … it could be a lot worse.

Thankful

So the last few weeks have been kind of a self-pity party for me, reminding myself that since I’m overweight I can’t be attractive and if I’m not attractive then why live… lovely thoughts like that. I don’t know why I get this way sometimes – occasionally it’s a comment someone makes or something I see on TV, or because I look particularly bad in an outfit or something. Superficial, I know, but real to me nonetheless. I guess it’s a limb of my lovely depression tree.

Anyway, with Thanksgiving coming up this week, I decided to try to be positive and think of all the things I have to be thankful for instead of the things I hate about myself. First of all, I am alive and relatively healthy (other than being overweight that is). I am thankful that I don’t have some terrible disease (yet). I am also of course thankful for my husband, Artie, who has lived with me and my neuroses for almost 21 years now. He told me yesterday that he never wants me to feel ugly, because to him I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I mean, come on, how sweet is that? And have you seen me lately? I’m so NOT beautiful! That kind of love is hard to find, and especially hard to keep alive for 21 years. He gave me a beautiful diamond journey necklace as my early anniversary gift to cheer me up from my self-pity. He does most of the housework, he cooks a lot of meals, he loves me through my craziness and depression. And he thinks I’m beautiful? How could I ever beat that? I am very thankful for him.

I am also thankful for our one-of-a-kind son, Logan. He is truly a unique and special child. He danced across the den last night in his boxers to Christmas music. His glasses are always smudged and at the end of his nose. He has two adult front teeth and the rest are still baby teeth, so he favors Bugs Bunny somewhat. He is hilarious and moody and smart and stubborn and for better or worse, the center of our lives. I am truly thankful that God blessed us with a child – one child – this child.

I will write more later. This has been all the positivism I can handle for now.