I’ve had my dad on my mind a lot today – probably because I had a heartbreaking dream about him last night and I can’t shake it. I talked to him on the phone earlier today and we were both laughing because he couldn’t remember my birthday (not that uncommon for dads of adult children, I know that!). He’s going to run an errand for me today and he still does a lot for me – yesterday he mowed my yard and took off my trash. Sometimes if you’re talking to him you forget there’s anything wrong with him, but then he stumbles in the conversation and it all comes crashing back to you. I think maybe I’m kind of in denial about him being ‘sick’ because he’s not like, in the hospital or wasting away before my eyes. I try to call him almost every day just to hear his voice and chat about whatever I can come up with, but those days of meaningful conversation or advice from dear old Dad are pretty much gone for good. Dad used to be the most single-minded person I’ve known – it was ALL about singing and the group. That was his #1 priority in life for as long as I can remember. I used to resent that, but now I like to think I can see a little more clearly.
Here are some random memories of Dad, some funny, some serious, that have popped into my mind today: Him making up ridiculous rhymes in the car like “Let us all together go, ‘t will make our feet and fingers grow;” introducing me on stage and telling people I was interviewing boyfriends; trying to be a used car salesman (and failing miserably – he was too honest) when Plasti-Line went on strike for 18 months back in the 70s; listening to me talk, cry, argue about boys until 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. after Mom & Kristi had conked out; driving the bus full of a sleeping or rowdy band (or both) at all hours of the day and night (without ever having one wreck!); the look in his eyes when the church would bring us food baskets during the poorest of the poor days; taking Kristi to drum lessons and drooling over all the latest sound equipment; hearing him tell Logan “I love you” when he never could really say that to me & Kristi; watching him chase Logan around the house in a black shawl and mask; coloring Easter eggs every year; seeing the house where he grew up and how far he had to carry the water bucket every day; the white gloves I made him wear on my wedding day; catching me watching an adult movie I brought home when I worked at the video store; teaching me to drive my stick-shift Mazda RX7 in the driveway… there are a million more, but those are off the top of my head today. I love my dad, and I miss the part of him that is already gone – but I’m thankful for what is left of him that I will treasure for as long as he’s here.