So the last few weeks have been kind of a self-pity party for me, reminding myself that since I’m overweight I can’t be attractive and if I’m not attractive then why live… lovely thoughts like that. I don’t know why I get this way sometimes – occasionally it’s a comment someone makes or something I see on TV, or because I look particularly bad in an outfit or something. Superficial, I know, but real to me nonetheless. I guess it’s a limb of my lovely depression tree.
Anyway, with Thanksgiving coming up this week, I decided to try to be positive and think of all the things I have to be thankful for instead of the things I hate about myself. First of all, I am alive and relatively healthy (other than being overweight that is). I am thankful that I don’t have some terrible disease (yet). I am also of course thankful for my husband, Artie, who has lived with me and my neuroses for almost 21 years now. He told me yesterday that he never wants me to feel ugly, because to him I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I mean, come on, how sweet is that? And have you seen me lately? I’m so NOT beautiful! That kind of love is hard to find, and especially hard to keep alive for 21 years. He gave me a beautiful diamond journey necklace as my early anniversary gift to cheer me up from my self-pity. He does most of the housework, he cooks a lot of meals, he loves me through my craziness and depression. And he thinks I’m beautiful? How could I ever beat that? I am very thankful for him.
I am also thankful for our one-of-a-kind son, Logan. He is truly a unique and special child. He danced across the den last night in his boxers to Christmas music. His glasses are always smudged and at the end of his nose. He has two adult front teeth and the rest are still baby teeth, so he favors Bugs Bunny somewhat. He is hilarious and moody and smart and stubborn and for better or worse, the center of our lives. I am truly thankful that God blessed us with a child – one child – this child.
I will write more later. This has been all the positivism I can handle for now.
