As I write today I have a lot of conflicted emotions. I'm stressed out, of course, because I'm about to be off work for a week - you know what that means: Get everything on your desk completed and prepare to be snowed under again when you return! And better hope you didn't forget anything, b/c I'll be calling you during your vacation if you did!! AHHHHH But I am definitely looking forward to a week off with Artie & Logan. Our evenings are much too short and we don't get enough time just the 3 of us. We are going to the Great Wolf Lodge near Cincinnati to an indoor water park resort. www.greatwolflodge.com. It looks fabulous. I hope Artie & I can keep up with Logan! We leave Saturday and will return Wednesday, so then I'll have 2 more weekdays off at home to hopefully SCRAP and just enjoy our new house.
Of course my other mixed emotions concern Dad. He has been under hospice home care for about 4 weeks now. This week it seems his liver has begun to shut down and his skin is turning a yellow-tan color. He is less responsive each day, although he still will nod at us or whisper some words. He is almost in the fetal position now and probably weighs about 100 pounds. It is so hard to see him like this, so I know that when his time does come, he will be in a MUCH better place and will not suffer any more. However, Mom, Kristi and I will of course suffer from missing him terribly. Even though he's very ill and mentally deteriorated, he is still HERE - you know? I have been dealing with this in therapy for several weeks and I believe my therapist has very helpful things to say. I am at peace with my Dad, he knows I love him and I know he loves me. I know he's going to heaven, and eventually so will I. I know he lived a good life here - doing what God intended for him to do. I know he loved my mom and sister, and his grandchildren. I haven't said any horrible things to him to regret, or neglected him in his illness. I will just miss him. And that's okay. Grief is a natural part of life, and it's okay to be sad and cry. I am thankful that I had him as my father and thankful that we share the same Heavenly Father so our family does not end with phsyical death.
So, now that I'm crying ONCE AGAIN...
Say a prayer for us.
