Living with Our Choices

During my recent “mid-life crisis” I have dwelled a lot on the choices I have made and where those choices have taken me. I am living a life right now that is the result of choices I made months or years ago. Never take a decision lightly, because you never know what the consequences of that decision will be later on in life.
One of my MANY poor choices was to not take care of my body. After Artie & I got married, we ate whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and did not exercise at all. We developed habits in those early years that have stuck with us, and in the past two years, we have had weight loss surgeries and plastic surgeries to try to get back some of the healthy bodies we wasted away. We have spent over $58,000.00 on surgeries, and all of that could have been avoided by making better food & activity choices for many, many years. What I have learned from this poor choice – take care of you body, it’s the only one you have to get you through this life.
Another poor choice I regret is how I have spent my money over the years. Artie and I had several very difficult financial years during our marriage, and anyone who has ever dealt with money problems can sympathize. It will nearly break you down. Over the last few years, however, we have been truly blessed and by the grace of God have had a much better financial situation. We have a beautiful home and we drive nice cars, one of which is actually paid for in full. We take trips and buy nice things for Logan. We try to help our family as much as we can... But I am a shopaholic. I am an Amazon-aholic. I love to buy things, whether I need them or not. I’ve been working on this problem since the new year and have actually shopped very little. Fortunately, my shopping has not put us in financial trouble, but my regret is that if I had made better money choices and shopped less, where could we be right now? Could Artie have gone back to school earlier and be finished by now? Could our mortgage be paid off? I don’t know what we could have done with all the money I’ve wasted on trivial things.
Probably one of my biggest regrets, as I’ve blogged about before, is the choice that now has me trapped in a miserable job situation. I worked here before Logan was born and was so very blessed to be able to leave here a month before Logan’s birth to take a medical transcription job. I worked from home for four years, but I was undisciplined and did not get enough work done, so I wasn’t making much money. When my former boss, now once again my boss, called and begged me to come back to work here, he caught me at a time when I really needed a more steady income and I agreed to return. That was 10.5 years ago and I have regretted that decision almost every day of that 10.5 years. The only good to come of it has been my relationship with my dear friend, Sara, who also works here. If only I had worked harder at the transcription job when I had the chance … if only I had taken a different job instead of returning to this one … if only if only if only… Now I am stuck here until Artie graduates and gets a nursing job, and then my DREAM is to leave this job and work only part-time or return to transcription from home and do it right this time. I have lost so much time with Logan, years I will never get back, because of the hours I work and the inflexible attitude of my boss. If Logan is sick, Artie takes him to the doctor or stays home with him. If Logan needs picked up or dropped off, Artie does it. Artie takes Logan to school every day. Artie picks Logan up every day. I hate that I am not a bigger participant. I leave my house at 6:20 each morning and arrive back home around 6:00 each night. And I’m not even addressing how it feels to work for the most demanding, narcissistic personality you could possibly meet.
So these items and many more have been the subject of much rumination over the last few months. I have made some poor choices and now I’m living the consequences of those choices. Be very mindful when you are making decisions, whether they seem big or small to you at the time, of how this could affect your future and your family’s future.