Annual Review

Warning: This is a depressing post. Sorry in advance!

It’s almost time for my annual review at the sweatshop. I dread this every year, because BB (big boss) is a master of psychology and somehow I walk out thinking I’ve really talked him into something great - when in actuality he’s talked me into a decrease in pay and longer hours (or something like that).

What I really want to tell him is that I am tired. I have lost my motivation. While others in the office are thinking of career advancement, attending seminars, and a heavier caseload, all I can think of is early retirement.

Can I just ask for shorter hours this year? Or a few Fridays off? Or time for doctor’s appointments without complaints? A raise in pay would be great, but it’s just not my #1 priority right now. I’m burned out. I’m exhausted ALL the time. I literally count down the hours until I’m home again with Artie & Logan. On the weekends, I barely want to leave the house because I crave the home time so badly.

Yes, I realize there is more going on with me than job dissatisfaction. I am going through an apparently prolonged phase in my life where I have so much regret over the choices that brought me to where I am right now, work-wise. Poor Artie has to listen to me complain, cry, and fume much more than he should have to.

Even though I work for a notoriously difficult person, it is not all his fault that I feel this way. It’s not his fault that I want to be at home. It’s not his fault that I made choices I have made. It’s not his fault that I have allowed him to usurp more and more of my time over the years. I need to set some boundaries and take some of my life back, but it’s hard at this point. I’ve worked for BB for since 1996 (except for my work-at-home experiment) and habits are established. On some days he treats me very well, I have to give him credit for that.

I have a beautiful office. I park in a covered garage attached to my building. I have great co-workers and a very interesting array of cases to work on. I am thankful to even have a job in these hard economic times.

But how do you tell your boss that even though you’re so grateful for your job, and so appreciative of your salary and benefits, what you really want is just more home time? BB is a workaholic. His kids are grown and gone. He gets bored at home without work to do. He hates to take vacations. How do I get him to see that I am desperate for my own family time and craving an afternoon to myself now and then?

(sigh) I really dread this review.