Still My Inspiration

Mamaw has been gone for almost 14 years now, but she is still my inspiration. I think of her every single day and wish that she were still here with us. She would have adored Logan (and my niece, Hannah), and it breaks my heart that she never got to meet them. I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Logan when she died. I think part of her spirit lives on in him. No, I don’t believe in reincarnation or anything like that – it’s just how I like to see it – it makes me feel better.
She was so content with so little. That is probably the biggest difference between me and her. I am never content. I always want more, more, MORE! More clothes, more shoes, more purses, more money, more jewelry. She had about four or five pairs of shoes and wore them until they literally fell apart. She made her own clothes. She cooked better than anyone else I’ve ever known. That’s another big difference between me and her. I can’t cook worth a dime. And I have no interest in learning.
She tried to teach me how to garden, can, sew, cook … and I learned very little because I wasn’t paying enough attention. In hindsight, I wish I had learned all of those things from her just to carry on her traditions and be more like her. I loved being with her because she made me laugh and she always listened to me with love. But when she tried to teach me to sew I took naps instead on the twin bed next to her sewing machine. Artie learned so much more from her than I ever did.
I was always close to Mamaw, even as a child, but in my adulthood, one thing I am extremely thankful for is that I stayed close to her. I called her EVERY SINGLE DAY for years, up until her mind was too far gone to carry on a conversation. We talked on the phone constantly, and I went to her house at least every other day. Artie was close to her, as well, and I’m also very thankful for that. The three of us had some good times sitting out on her carport breaking beans or sitting in her porch swing, just talking.
She gave herself home perms and her wispy white hair would always be in these super-tight little curls afterwards. Her house would stink for a day from the permanent solution. I could not give myself a perm if I tried.
She never learned how to drive or had a driver’s license. She relied on Papaw, and then her family, to take her wherever she needed to go.
She kept orange Tang in the kitchen cabinet.
Her kitchen table was the size of a minivan.
She was a “captain” on the church’s emergency call list, which meant anytime someone went in the hospital or died, she had a list of people to call and notify. She loved knowing all the news before everyone else! (That we DO have in common).
She was a GENIUS at crossword puzzles. I prefer seek-a-word; they are much less mentally challenging.
She wrote me at least one letter a week when I lived in Virginia Beach during my first two years of marriage. I was so homesick that first year, I called her and cried so many times. Back then you still had to pay for long-distance calls, and she made Papaw pay my phone bill so I could call her when I needed her.
She still washed some of her clothes on the washboard! Can you believe that.
I often think about what she would say if she saw me now. I don’t think she would be satisfied with what I have become. I do work very hard, just like she did, but I work at all the wrong things. Again, I wish I could be more like her.
She loved her church and she loved Jesus. She sang about Him in her beautiful soprano voice, and she knew she would be seeing Him when she died. I was blessed to inherit her little black book of songs and I love to flip through it when I’m sitting in the “praying chair” and sing some of her favorites. I guess the singing is another thing we have in common.
She might not be proud of all the choices I have made since she left me, but I do know one thing – she would love me the same anyway. She was the most special person in the world to me, and now would be second only to Artie & Logan. She was one in a million, and she is still my inspiration.