Girlfriend-Challenged

I have yet another flaw to share with the blogosphere. I am a terrible girlfriend to have, so I am girlfriend-challenged.

Many women of all ages and walks of life seem to thrive on their relationships with their girlfriends. They have girls’ nights out, they do lunch or dinner, they go to movies in groups, they talk on the phone every day, etc. If they have big news or a secret, the first people they want to call are their girlfriends. I am all for friendship, and I do have some friends I am close with that happen to be females. However, I am just not into the whole girlfriends routine. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t think it’s a bad thing or that there is anything wrong with having good girlfriends. It’s just not for me.

I have a few, very few, close friends in my life. I choose to devote all my time to my family when I am not chained to my desk at the sweatshop. And by family, I am mostly referring to Artie & Logan. I would rather go shopping or go to a movie or dinner with Artie than anyone else. I would rather talk to Artie about my problems or victories than anyone else. And if I need to talk to someone about Artie, I always have my therapist. ;) Logan can make me laugh faster than anyone else on earth. And he is already 13 – time is flying by and I don’t want to spend a moment away from him that I could be enjoying him and the ... ummm, “joys” of his personality. I realize my unusual attachment to my husband and son maybe makes me weird, or a freak, or boring, but I don’t really care. It does make me a bad girlfriend, because I don't call often enough or spend enough time doing girl stuff.

This is not to detract in any way from the special friends I do have. There is Sara, my best friend, who works with me at the sweatshop and shares my most stressful situation day in and day out. I feel like we have bonded as many soldiers do in war. The sheer stress of our situation has made us close, as if we have survived some monumental battle together. There is very little she doesn’t know about me, and she is always there for me, as I try to be for her. She is a great friend and I love her dearly. But I rarely spend any time with her away from the office. Our friendship has been forged in 10-minute increments over the 10 years we have worked together.

There is my sister, Kristi, who is my very close friend and confidante. We share our history and our family and the parenting of only children. We are close in age and philosophy. And the best thing about Kristi, besides that we’re blood, is that we can be brutally honest with each other. We email every day, but I maybe see her once a month, if that.

There are others: Candice, who lives 500 miles away now; Teresa, whom I rarely see, but feel as if we’re still close; Lula, who has a different way of life than I have, but we are bonded together with a genuine love for each other and a shared sense of humor; Janice, who has been my friend for almost 30 years; my sister-in-law and niece, Patti & Deann, whom I love dearly and don’t see often enough. I’m sure I am forgetting someone major…

My point is, even though I love these women, I never want anything to take away my precious time with Artie & Logan. Throughout our almost 25 years of marriage, Artie and I have never had “his friends” and “her friends.” We’ve never gone out for “boys’ nights” and “girls’ nights.” We do everything together, and we like it that way.

Sara & I went for a scrapbooking weekend once in Pigeon Forge. This was some of my absolute favorite things all combined: Sara, scrapbooking, other friends from the scrap store, a fabulous cabin in the mountains, lots of junk food, a hot tub, and no office work to do. We had a good time and got lots of scrapping done. But I had to come home early. I missed Artie & Logan so bad that I just couldn’t stand it! Artie said he was miserable, too.

Kristi & Mom always want me to go shopping with them or go for a girls’ dinner. I love Kristi & Mom! I really do! But I’d prefer to bring Artie along.

I’ve been burned by friends. I’ve been hurt and stabbed in the back. Confidences betrayed, talked about behind my back, made fun of … but who hasn’t? That’s just a part of life. The friends that I mentioned earlier, I would trust them with my life. And every once in a while, I will go out for dinner with them or for a pedicure or a movie. Just last week I spent an hour on the phone with Candice. I jump for joy when I get to see Teresa. And I love it when Lula or anyone else comments on my Facebook or blog or emails me.

I just don’t want to give up any Artie & Logan time. I'm VERY selfish about that!

I fully realize that some of my blogs and admissions do not put me in the best light. It’s about being honest and being real. This is how I have lived my life up until now, without a posse of girlfriends, and I guess it’s how I’ll continue. Especially since I’m probably ticking off the friends I do have. I'm sorry I'm not a good girlfriend!