Too Late for More Children

When Logan was born in 1998, Artie & I had been married for 12 years; I was 32 years old and Artie was 33. We really wanted a baby at that point and felt like Logan was our miracle child. He has been the greatest blessing to us and we love him beyond measure.
However, as any new parent knows, the first year with the first child can be a huge adjustment, especially for couples who have been married as long as we were. We were used to picking up and going whenever we wanted, wherever we wanted, and a baby certainly changed that.
Logan was a high-maintenance child from Day 1, never napping for more than an hour at a time, having to be held while he was sleeping or he would wake up, and never entertaining himself. (Yes, I realize these issues might be because we spoiled him so!) As he grew into a toddler, he would never play by himself and always wanted our undivided attention. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, my in-laws live out of state, and my parents only watched Logan on Thursday nights from 6:00 to 9:00. Those three hours were the only break we had. He hated riding in his car seat and one of us often had to ride in the back seat to hold his hand or entertain him in the car.
It was a major adjustment for us in our marriage. We went from having all the time alone in the world to no time alone. I was frazzled and stressed – trying to work from home and be a good new mom at the same time. Artie was frazzled and stressed – new fathers adjust to babies differently than new mothers do (and that’s all I’ll say about that).
Despite the adjustments, Logan was the light of our lives and we could not imagine loving another child as much as we loved him! How would that even be possible, we would say to each other.

I feel like I’m walking a thin line here between being enormously grateful for the opportunity to be Logan’s mom while also being honest about what a difficult adjustment parenthood was for us. As always, I’m trying to share my experience as honestly as I can. I realize sometimes that may not put me in the best light.
Anyway, we were adamant throughout most of Logan’s childhood that we did not want any more children. We felt that Logan was all we could handle, and all we needed. I had hoped for a boy with Artie’s looks and my brains, and that’s exactly what I got. God blessed us with a healthy son and we were so grateful. We felt like our family was complete.
Over the last 2 or 3 years, however, we have often discussed how we wish we had had more children. We feel we are too old now and there would be too much of an age gap between Logan and a sibling; plus Artie had a vasectomy after we both lost so much weight. One of the main reasons we sometimes wish we had more children is that we worry about Logan being lonely as an only child and not having a “built-in” playmate in a brother or sister. We also talk about how things might be when we grow older – will Logan take care of us? We also have been blessed with a roomy house and have two extra bedrooms that never get used. When my dad died, I was so grateful to have my sister to lean on and grieve with. She knew exactly what I was going through. When Artie & I are gone, Logan will be “all alone” in the world. He has cousins, but that’s not the same as a sibling.

Sometimes I’ll see a movie (The Family Stone comes to mind) where all the adult children are returning home for the holidays and bringing their spouses and children along. I think of my small family and it makes me sad. Kristi & I have one child each, and Dad is gone. So at holidays there are only seven of us total.

I had a boy name and a girl name picked out for years. (I didn’t use the boy name for Logan, which was Joshua Dayne – Joshua after a strong man of faith in the Bible and Dayne after my dad). My girl name was Grace Kathleen – Grace because I’m covered by it and it’s a beautiful word and Kathleen after my beloved Mamaw. I know that one child must have been God’s plan for us, and I’m perfectly happy with how things turned out. Logan is still high-maintenance and is certainly demanding enough for two or three kids. He says he likes being an only child – he doesn’t have to share possessions or our attention. We can always both attend his events and not have to split up and go with different kids. He has his own room and his own bathroom and most of the time runs the house.

There are arguments for both sides, as with any choice. If we had it to do over, we probably would have tried for more kids – but we are definitely very happy in our little family of three with our spoiled-rotten only child. We are very blessed just the way we are, and I thank God every day for allowing me to be a mother and to have Logan, my one-in-a-million child!