One of My Big Regrets

I know we all have regrets in life, things we wish we had done or said differently. If we could go back and change them, we probably would – but then how would that affect our lives today? How would we turn out differently if we had not made those mistakes or said those things?

I have many, many regrets - from gaining so much weight in my 30s, to parenting mistakes, to words I’ve said to others. One of my biggest regrets, however, is that I had the opportunity to work from home – something so many wish to do – and I failed miserably at it.

In 1998, when I was pregnant with Logan after years of wanting a child, I could not imagine returning to my office job after I had the baby. Artie & I had toured some day care facilities and were just appalled at the sheer number of babies in a room, or the volume of all the babies and kids crying or talking, or the starkness of a room. I know there are some wonderful day care facilities here in town, and I am not trying to say day care is a bad thing. I’m just relating my experience.

I had plenty of office experience and also medical experience from working in the UT Department of Surgery for a few years. I started to research medical transcription opportunities and by the grace of God, found a great office right here in town. I interviewed and tested with them and they offered me a job. I was still employed full-time, and was scared to make the leap to the unknown. Artie and I discussed it ad nauseum – the money, the schedule, the work, and finally he agreed that we would try it. I found it very hard to pray about it because I wanted it so badly that I couldn't be objective! I had a difficult boss at my full-time job and we knew it would be hard for me to get time off for Logan's doctor appointments or if he was sick. My parents worked full-time and my in-laws lived out of state, so I didn’t have a good backup in case Logan couldn’t go to day care. All of these things played into our decision, and I really felt like God opened up this door for me to be able to provide an income and yet still be at home with my new baby.

About a month before my due date, I quit my full-time job and went to work doing medical transcription. With this first job, I had to drive to two or three doctors’ offices each morning and pick up audio tapes, and then bring them back to my house and transcribe them. The pickup trip each morning took over an hour, as my assigned doctors were on opposite ends of town. I had a good routine going, but I knew things would change once Logan was born.

After the delivery (by C-section), I took off two weeks and then went right back to work. However, as any mother can imagine, the one-hour round trip to pick up tapes grew longer with a new baby in the car. I had to strap him in the car seat and take him out at each location, and of course, everyone had to ooh and ahh over the baby before I could leave. By the time I returned home with him and was ready to start typing, he of course was ready to eat or play. I would type what I could during his VERY short naps – he was NEVER a big napper - and then I would have to wait until Artie got home from work to take over baby duty while I finished typing.

This schedule got old pretty quickly. Artie did not like walking straight in the door to baby duty. I did not like hearing Artie & Logan in another room and missing out on family time so I could type. I wish I had thought of getting up super early, before Artie left for work, to do a few hours of typing while Logan was mostly sleeping.

I ended up calling on one of our church ladies to watch Logan for me a few hours each day so I could type. At least with her, I felt like he was getting one-on-one attention and it was like staying with a grandmother. I would drop him off each morning and go pick up tapes, come back and type, and then pick him up. At least that was the plan.

I think my biggest roadblocks to successfully working from home were errands and household chores. I would be out on the road anyway while picking up tapes, so why not run by the grocery store while I was out and didn’t have to get the baby in and out? I might as well get gas, too. And when I got home, I might as well put a load of laundry in the washer and fold whatever’s in the dryer, right? And a quick vacuum is a good idea. So by the time I did all of that, it would be time to pick up Logan and I had the same problem, only now I was paying a sitter.

I tried this for about a year, and was not making very much money at all. I just couldn’t get enough typing done during the day with a baby at home most of the time. Some days I would watch “The View” from 11:00 to 12:00 and then type. Some days I would spend cooking or cleaning and not get hardly any typing done at all. I was even blessed enough to switch to another company where I could transcribe online and not have to go out to pick up tapes every day. God gave me every opportunity to make this work, and I failed miserably. I could not motivate myself to sit at the computer and type enough work to make good money. The opportunity was definitely there. The more lines I typed, the more money I could make. The second employer assigned me to a specific shift, and I could never seem to keep my hours as assigned. I was always running errands or doing things around the house. I wasted/squandered/blew a WONDERFUL opportunity and finally ended up having to go back to a full-time job to earn a decent income. I worked from home for 4 years, so it’s not like I didn’t have time to figure out how to make it work. I was just lazy and managed my time very poorly! I am so ashamed of myself for wasting this chance. My second transcription employer has asked me to come back at least two or three times over the last 9 years, but I’m afraid to try again. And of course, Artie is not very supportive of it either, seeing as how I let him down so badly the last time.

So here I sit at my office every day – albeit a beautiful office with a great view – and kick myself for opportunities lost. I could be at home working, making the same amount of money or more, AND being available for Logan when he gets home from school, but I am an idiot and a failure – at least at this.